Thursday, May 27, 2010


Back in my heyday of blogging endlessly and then burning out...I would have a weekly "What did I learn this week" post. It was cathartic flush or as I would say "The Cranium Flush" ...and a good way to keep tabs on my self, inner and outer. I often, these days will read through what I had written. There are times when I still cry, or laugh at my silliness, chuckle at others silliness, or scroll up and down to find who wrote the piece, as I truly do not believe I could have written something that poetic. Hey I have vain days and I can pull something good and worth reading occasionally. So onward with my babble...the follow is a repost of sorts. An old posting dating back to 2005. With a twist. My comments NOW to what I had written THEN. A self examination , reflection, let's see how far I truly have come, if at all. My comments NOW will be in italics and a different color font....FORWARD!

The Original Title was Meds, Learning and Whatnots..

A quick update: I saw the Doc again. Woo hoo...always fun! I have been referred out to a neurologist and some "new" meds...Should I be concerned when the "possible" side effects include, agitation, anxiety{Like I need more}, coma, altered states, amensia, accidental injury???? Don't sound too, j/k....So that saga continues.... NOW: The side effects? Have not gone away, I dont think one can call what is the norm a side effect! Of course the coma part I am still mulling about in the head- maybe this is all a coma dream? This whole episode just sucked bananas. Car was totaled, person who hit me and caused a 4 car accident, walked away with nothing. Sold her house, sold everything. And the cause of this accident? She dropped her cell phone...

I learn something new everyday. About myself, the people in my life, the people around my life, life in general and some new useless knowledge as well.
Here's what I've learned in my neck of the woods:

I learned:
~That a flower will bloom in the middle of winter. NOW:Love this observation!
~I need to get off my ass and get these scripts out. They won't mail themselves. NOW: Still waiting to get off my ass to do this- flipside? I did write 4 more! So the other 8 aren't lonely.
~That by the year 2025, 80 Million people will die of AIDS in Africa. That stat is mind boggling.NOW: Still mind boggling...
~My daughter knows the phrase "I will kick your ass" She is 3. Hmm I wonder where she heard that {ahem 13 yr, 9yr old}. NOW: Cracks me up, she hasnt changed at all! Just the ages.
~I still dislike insurance companies. NOW: Holds true to this day.
~I still dislike snow. NOW:Some habits just never change.
~I miss watching Monty Python...and just laughing silly.
~Memories can bitchslap ya pretty hard.
~I can be a miserable bitch. NOW: Ummmm yep....
~I want to play.
~I have set my ideals, expectations for other people too high, to the point I have to question if they are actually obtainable?NOW: Wooo hooo, I have gotten a tad bit better at this, at least I can take a quick step back now and review myself and the situation better.
~I create goals that are out of reach. NOW: yeah well...
~I do not have the patience of Job.
~A new word: Synchronicity syn·chro·nic·i·ty 'Audio ( P ) Pronunciation Key (sngkr-ns-t, sn-)
n. pl. syn·chro·nic·i·ties

  1. The state or fact of being synchronous or simultaneous; synchronism.
  2. Coincidence of events that seem to be meaningfully related, conceived in Jungian theory as an explanatory principle on the same order as causality.
    Destiny is at play here - have you noticed a number of events that seem rather a coincidence? This is synchronicity, trust it and go with the flow.
    {Okay it's not "new", just appears alot in my world lately}

~Otto, the 9 yr old, is a really good guitar player. NOW: And he can play violin...does he? No! Otto for those not in the know is Number 2 child. The Guitar prodigy, if you had not followed the blog at all, is The Teen, now Mr 18yr old.
~Music brings a lot of joy in this house.
~I believe.
~I doubt myself, a lot.
~I can read a 900 page book in a weekend. :o)
~Pain is exhausting.
~A smile goes a long way.
~There is just not enough coffee in this world somedays.
~On that note: People need to leave coffee alone, what's the deal with this pumpkin spice? It's just not right!
~That I am inspired by the people I work with {Aka clients} ~They never call out sick, they love their jobs, they flourish in adversity.
~The worst thing anyone can ever say to you...."No"
~I've been called worse things by better people.
~Dreams persist.
~Dwelling in anger, hides all the good.
~Sometimes the distance between people grows larger the closer you are. NOW: Still a fave thought of mine.
~About respect: Respecting someone's place in life.
~A new fun way to mess with the teenager: His fave word these days is "huh?"So, when I need to ask him a question or make a statement, I am going to speak a different language to him or use sign language,then when he says, "huh?" I feel a bit more justified.{evil huh?} NOW...HA!
~I can not make choices for others.
~The vibrant colors in my dreams have faded. NOW: Hmmm...I can still say this.
~Nothing is ever good enough for me.
~Did I say, I hate snow?....still.
~About Space: It's not the final frontier. Yet a distance necessary to persevere.
~I think I can ascribe someone else's motivations, yet not my own. NOW: Wow...
~I miss unique people.
~That I am okay. A little quirky, but okay.
~I have some really great memories, with room for more.
~Everybody has a reason to abandon their plans.
~Rain comforts me.
~A very important lesson, I have no clue how to use my voice. I can write it, but I can't say it to those who need to hear it. NOW: I have learned since that stepping out into the fire...I didnt get burned. Maybe a bit singed yet nothing permanent. Life is about risk, holding your own and taking accountability for your actions. Being vocal just puts it out there, it is not right nor is it wrong. It is what it is. People will either accept it or not. It will change things or it won't. Either way, the motion of forward still remains and possibilities of the motion is is all about choice.
~I am thankful for
~That a cat can travel on top of a car for ten miles...
~I need a really really tall ladder, so I can sit atop the wall and dangle my feet over the edge. NOW: In certain situations still holds. Some days that wall is stronger than others. Yet I remain guarded.


So...That's what I learned in my neighborhood. What did you learn?



Wednesday, May 19, 2010

My Buddy Loneliness

an active art,
not so easy
on the heart.

It must be nurtured
given life,
too much love
there is no strife.

You must guard against
on obsessions you depend,
disallow the pangs of
it`s depression that`s your friend.

V 2005

Thursday, May 13, 2010

Grandchildren Understanding MS

An Open Letter to Grandchildren

by Vicki
Wednesday, May 12 2010

Dear Grandchildren, Mother's Days was just a few days ago. It always brings memories to me of scribbled cards and sometimes bouquets of wild flowers picked for me by my children. Some were actually weeds with little flowers they thought were so pretty, so they were flowers to me, too. Now my grandchildren, I always think of you as so cute,...

Monday, May 10, 2010

Dragon Tattoos are becoming more popular every year

I wore socks today

So why the newsflash? Well, it's not,it's just a reference more or less to the current weather here in New England.
I, being always cold, adore the warmer months. By April, I heave the sock drawer somewhere and do not look back, until Fall.
Like now.
The mornings have been brisk. See your breath brisk. Throw a sweatshirt and socks on weather. I love these mornings.
I like the transition from one season to the next. The wee hours are quiet. A sense of solitude and wonderful meditations.
The air has a scent, that floods the memory with Fall memories, school,football games,pumpkins, leaves and anticipating the first snow. Yesterday morning the dampness mixed with the cool air, one could almost smell snow...
Such a refreshing, make ya feel alive, moment.
Wearing socks....Transitions....

Stumbling on...

You may(or may not) recall my little post of the 7-11 chick?
Okay it was part of a Thursday thirteen, :

"5. I have decided to be a bit kinder to the bimbo nice girl at the 7-11, who has asked me numerous times, "Are those yours?", and points to my nails. To which I reply, "No I borrowed them from my mother. Are those yours?", pointing to her extremely grossly oversized double d's.
She didn't get it. She just smiled."

I return to this store this morning and Miss Daft is working. I was feeling a twinge of guilt and not wanting bad Karma , I decided that I'd be nice. Actually engage her in a quality conversation and give the poor lass a break.
Sooo, um ya...
The time that I go in the morning, the store is bustling with Dunkin Donuts, Starbucks naysayers, as myself. I prepare my Baronet Blast(like I need triple the caffeine, but what the heck) and stand in line.
I had reservations, a tad fearful she'd remember me and my wit.
That maybe she had that "AHAA" moment, a severe delayed reaction, and a "That bitch"...
Ya okay...I can dream.
Alas, she didn't put it together OR she just has a very forgiving heart.
Here is the conversation at the local 7-11 this morn:
Daft chick Behind counter= DCBC
Man In Line= MIL
Me= Me, duh..

As I stand in line, she is engrossed in a conversation with the paying customer, making chit chat about the latest media frenzied current event of her comprehension choice, the Emmy's Red Carpet. Who woulda thunk?

The others in line with me, smile and laugh at her commentary. Then another patron brings up the influx of layoffs here in CT and how these companies are shipping(oops outsourcing) to countries overseas.(Another subject, another time, another blogger). This topic is quite the buzz here.

DCBC: That is just terrible.
MIL: And this time of year no less, just bad all around.
{People nod and uh huh}
Me: I hear ya, My husband is looking at a layoff possibly this week.
MIL: Really where 'bouts?
Me: XXXX Company in XXXXX. They restructured, changed positions& duties so they can let ya go without bennys, severance AND unemployment. {Its true}
MIL: They can do that?
Me: Yep...They get around it by offering another position, extreme paycut and/or a transfer.
DCBC: Transfer?
Me: To another plant, in North Carolina, Florida...Even England, India and others overseas.
MIL: England?

Okay I was good up to this point.

DCBC: WOW! A chance to go to England.
Me: Well yea but its to move, permanently, not like vacationing.
DCBC: But still.
{I make a crinkled nose, as I am not up for moving across the ocean. No offense}
Me: So basically they make it so you won't take the transfers.
MIL: I tell ya these companies are just killing us.
DCBC: that would be like, sooooooo hard. Learning a new country and all that stuff. The culture in England,
{She is losing me now}
DCBC: And the language, ya know? Learning a new one.

*pop* (that was brain snapping)
'Tink Tink'

And with that there was no returning,an eery hush blanketed the store. The now 8 people stood, quiet. Amazed.
All that zoomed through my head was Karen Carpenter singing, "There's a kind of hush, all over the world"
Ya so I tried.
I really really did.

Oh and you are welcome for the song ditty that will play over and over!


Labels: A wee bit of sarcasm, Have You Lost your MINDS?., Humor Me, Insanity, Stuff, That Happy Place, Whatnots

Photo Sharing and Video Hosting at Photobucket

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Dolores Deabler Capone Happy Mother's Day REPOST

My sister Dolores was a study in contrasts. Proud mother, English teacher, Tarot card reader, Poet, Lover.

When she was about 41, her husband died of a heart attack while they were visiting friends. He was Italian and had never permitted her to work outside the home. She was left with little life insurance and 4 teenage children to raise. However, she was also gifted with a fierce determination to succeed and a natural gift for writing.

In the 17 years remaining to her, my sister saw her 3 daughters married and suffered with her son, who endured extensive brain damage from a head-on car accident.

While working full time she started taking college courses and received her bachelor`s degree fron Gwynedd-Mercy College. Continuing with her education, she earned an M.F.A. from Beaver College and finally reached a personal goal; teaching creative writing at night while continuing to work full-time.

I should mention that she wrote a small book on the history of Warrington Township, Bucks County, PA when she was 38 and had never attended a college class. I`m happy to report that it is still listed on!

Dolores was for many years President of the Philadelphia Writer`s Conference and a scholarship is awarded to a poet each year to attend the conference in her name.

The first remembrance I have of her fierce determination occurred when she was about ten and I was about seven. In our bedroom in our Grandmother`s house, we overheard our parents whispering of money problems. There was talk of whether it would be better if she and I were placed in the Catholic Charity`s home. My sister never said a word; at age ten, she grabbed my hand and together we snuck out of the house. For the next two hours Dolores led me to the nearest apartment houses and actually had someone speak to us about renting. I don`t believe my parents would have ever abandoned us, but just imagine the strength in that ten year old girl!

In her late 40`s, Dolores faced the diagnosis of Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma and conquered it, facing the treatment with her usual strength, not slowing down more than necessary. Her battle was assisted by the love she had found in a man devoted to her.

Some ten years after she had been free of cancer symptoms, extreme pain caused her to see her Doctor. The cancer had returned in a more virulent form and very early on a hot August morning in 1996, Dolores expired. I was astounded at seeing her in repose, looking very much as her mother did before her, smiling and at peace.

There is so much sadness in seeing someone you love die just as their life seems at its fullest; children grown and settled, education complete, teaching at the college level, deeply in love. And yet, the realization that God had given her the time to realize her goals causes me happiness.