Sunday, September 26, 2010


Watching a television program on NatGeo about the Holocaust. Hitler's Hidden Holocaust. I am not sure the true reason why I watch these events, these horrific acts on human kind. Why documentaries of Hitler, pull me in.
It is not for anything but understanding. Never forgetting.
I see these faces of people, real people. The look in their eyes.
The children who should be grandparents today, and are not. I hate to use the word fascinated ...or enthralled. It is not a drama of fiction, it occurred. For the hour of the program I am entranced in these lives. These lives taken by an ideology I can not understand.
I can not wrap my head around this thought process. Of when it became okay in the minds of those who committed such evil.

I have lived my life on the outside. I blend well.
Always a commentary inside, asking why. It drives me. Hence the degree, the degree that just happened. It wasn't my goal. Was NOT where I wanted my path to go.
I had bigger plans.
And here i sit in the path I chose, the path that came by and I turned.

The human psyche has enchanted me. Not that what we find out is in anyways "happy" or what we think life should be.
It ends dramatically, grossly...places we would choose not be.
Details we as humans have chosen to push away, to not expose ourselves or our minds to any way, shape or form. The reality we avoid. Facing these demons or convincing ourselves of some justification, does not make it go away. Yet destined.

And here these faces 3446 men and women and children found themselves. Or were found to be.

Utter desperation fills cavities of thought.
Hard to shake that feeling.