Thursday, February 25, 2010
Dont assign me
There are moments within our lives we feel lost. Our minds empty, yet they are not blank or erased. Nor would I think that we would want them to be as such...blank. A nice notion, yet not real.
We seek -for things...Things we believe will fill us, fill a void. Replace. Yet it doesn't. Living through events almost on automatic, to survive. To get by. Nothing is on automatic, no matter how much we try. It is done purposeful, there are no accidents, per se.
Someone once told me, "never say you're sorry, just be right". That is one of those sayings that we play over in our heads. Until it makes some kind of sense. Or we can relate to it.
Apologizing for bumping into some one...yes. Apologizing for how we feel? No. Life has this habit of throwing curveballs at us...and its never just a lob. Usually a hard line drive. We catch it and want to play hot potato with it...we no longer want it...the game gets old.
Time is usually, so I am told, what heals. No, time is what it takes for us to heal. What ever those bruises may be from, they will disappear. Turning all different colors, going through stages. The bleeding inside will cease. The pain? It too will stop. Yet the memory of it, may never leave.Time also allows us to move forward. In case we didn't notice, time waits for no one. Whether we want it to or not...it continues. The sun rises and it sets. We slumber, escaping to dreams. Then awaken to another New Day.
It is never an Old Day--Always a New one.
Things will not occur, will not change, unless we move them. When we feel this empty misery, where nothing seems to placate...looking for those answers...we need the questions. Understanding that, gives us the avenues to research the why, the who, the what...Leading to some kind of acceptance.
Having a voice, saying what it is we want, we need...understanding that all the contemplation in this world will not make the changes. We sit, we dream, we wonder. We become stagnate. Moving along for the sake of moving. Anger is normal. Just know what we are angry with...And fix it. There are things that just can not be fixed. Then what? There are the times when there are no right answers. Do you run? Run with your heart? Run with what feels right? Or live a life without that emotional risk. Making choices for all others? Do we just move along, robotic, just because it's the right thing to do?Expecting our lives to be fixed, because we are impatient...only hurts us. Mentally thus leading to physical. I had posted a line from the movie..."The eternal sunshine of a spotless mind" a few weeks ago."I am just one f'ed up girl seeking my own piece of mind, don't assign me yours"We make decisions. We make choices. We seek. We trudge through the crap, all day. We look to be happy or at least to assimilate this idea. Yet if some one else assigns their ideals, values, their search onto yours...it's them making these choices for you. As if you no longer had a voice or an opinion. And/or they just really don't give two sh*ts that you do. And any kind of acknowledgment is forgotten...This is where we may think a wall is a better conversationalist.
Giving validation is one of the key components in communication. Really. At least knowing we have been heard. Whether we are right or wrong. There will be moments when we need to agree to disagree. No two people think exactly alike. Yet we try to force this on some. To change them. Make them into who we want them to be.
Why bother then? If they aren't what you want...changing them isn't going to make it happen. That's like asking someone to cut off a finger because you like 9 instead of ten. Sooo...Now we all have character flaws that, yeah can be altered a bit. ahem.
I am sure I could come up with a list, pages long for mine. But they are my flaws. They will only change, when I change them. Not any faster nor slower. If they ever change. There are things we just need to accept.
After all this babble, we need to remember that we are okay. We made it through another day. We are still here. We see, hear, feel tragedy, evil, the ugliness of life. It inundates our world every moment. Yet we can still see, hear and feel the beauty of it as well. There are no right or wrong answers. We need to be able to look at a situation, and find something we can grasp as positive. Positive does not equal happy. That one positive thing? Can be as benign as having a really great peanut butter and jelly sandwich, where the bread is fresh white bread. The kind that sticks to the roof of your mouth and you need a quart of milk to wash it down. The positive can be sole one smiled because you just happened to look at them or you just happen to talk to them. Positive can be anything. Expecting too much, too fast...will impede us. Being lazy, decompressing....Can be a good thing. There are no rules saying we need to move all the time or that we need to be happy all the time. It would be nice, but unrealistic. It will. Time.Look within ourselves for that positive. If you aren't happy? No one will be happy. It's out there...We just need to move with Time...move towards it...just a fingertip away....