It`s been a month since I presented myself to the Emergency Room of the Hospital closest to my home. Some six days before, I had experienced symptoms which were consistent with a diagnosis of TIA, transient ischemic attack, or a “Mini-Stroke”. I kept the knowledge of what I had felt to myself until the weekend four days after the experience. Absurd, rediculous, yep! On that Saturday I spoke of the symptomatology to two people very close to my heart. They both expressed their frustration with me and demanded that I be evaluated by Medical professionals.
I followed their advice and by Monday lunchtime I had been admitted as an in-patient for evaluation and treatment. For the next four days my presenting complaints were worried over and expanded. Every new test darkened the vision of my future, be it MRI`s, stress tests, echocardiograms, PT scans, transesophageal EKG`s, various Doppler screenings, etc.. My Attending Physician was very sensitive to the Specialist`s opinions, especially the surgical consults and I began to dread every meeting with him as he would explain to me the next diagnostic test to be performed, always with the underlying feeling that there was little positive to be found.
My mental state was negatively affected by the fact that I had not properly prepared myself for hospital admittance. I arrived at the ER with no phone numbers or email addresses and my son and his girl friend were in Iowa visiting her family. I couldn`t see how it would be helpful to call him when he was so far away. I did have my ex-wife`s number and I spoke to her. After a couple of days she stopped by on her way home from work but she was very worried about getting home to let the dog out. There was no one else at home to take care of him since our son was in Iowa. Psychologically, I found my stay in the hospital quite stressful. I had no one to speak to about my concerns about mortality; of course not many people are able to be open to those thoughts anyhow. I did feel concern and comfort from some of the nurses, something I greatly appreciated at 3.00AM.
{{{You know, as I sit here writing this drivel, I realize that I really have nothing new to offer my readers. I`m really just saying that I want, need others to admire, support me; to appreciate the pain and fear that I experienced. Classical Depressive symptomatology; the way of any Obsessive under stress. Well, no matter. At least I`m writing!}}}
V
